Week 14 Review

From Saturday April 28: 

This graphic made me laugh out loud in public. I suppose it made my weird light shine bright! I will never forget in 3rd grade when Lyndsey Beitler told me I was weird. I said "thank you!" because that's what my mom used to always say if I called her weird. Then Lyndsey said "No, Jillian, in a bad way." At the time I was crushed. Now, I look back and laugh. How indicative of how the rest of my life would go! My boyfriend is always talking about how weird I am, but that's why he loves me. My mom taught me that being weird was way more fun than being "normal". Now, I think being a little weird, being who I am without giving into what people say I should be, makes me who I am!

Source: Blogspot

From Sunday April 29:

This video seemed especially timely. Between Tuesday and Wednesday nights, I got 4 hours of sleep. Staying up researching for my thesis and writing a paper for my French Lit class. After those two nights I was so exhausted. I went home and slept so hard for an hour before I had to be up again for the Crimson and Queens Drag Show. I wanted to stay home and sleep, but I had been talking to my friend Jerry (who organized the show) for two years about how OU needs a drag show. Bad timing for me. But the Thursday night, I slept like a baby for about 11 hours straight. This video is eye opening about the long term effects of sleep deprivation. My grandmother has suffered from strokes, and I don't want that to happen to me if I can help it by getting a good night's sleep!

Famous Last Words: Make or Break Time

Reading everyone's posts about finishing the semester, going back home, having very calm dead week/finals week ahead is giving me some severe jealousy.

As I have mentioned several times in other posts, I am spending my GORGEOUS Sunday stuck inside trying to get work done. It's so pretty outside! I'd rather be enjoying the sun and light breeze. But being inside with WiFi is my punishment for this semester's procrastination. Not only am I working on my Indian Epics Assignments, but I have to write my Honors Thesis. I am really worried it's going to turn out horrible, but I am going to be using my mantra that I came up with for the Growth Mindset assignment this week: Perfection is impossible; to be enough is perfection. I believe that remembering this simple mantra will help give me the motivation I need to just do the dang paper. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to do it. If I don't I took all those honors classes for nothing and suffered through a semester long Milton course for jack-squat.

As for Indian Epics, I have to do every remaining assignment for the semester and I should be ok. I was dreading doing every assignment, especially because I'm so worried about my thesis. However, these have been quite therapeutic, especially my Growth Mindset assignment and Tech Tip.

Panera's Hot Chocolate.
Source: Personal Photo

on a lighter note, anyone here ever had a hot chocolate from Panera? I had before. It came in a little disposable cup, like your average hot chocolate. Well I got one this morning, and it was a completely different experience! Oh my goodness this hot chocolate was ridiculous! It had marshmallows, but they were covered in chocolate powder with tiny chocolate chips that melted and so when you bit into it, it was extra chocolatey!! Y'all it was heavenly. My lactose uncomfortable nature hates me, but it was so worth it. Get to your local Panera now and get this bad boy.

Learning Challenge: Yoga at your desk!

I read the article "6 Yoga Exercises You Won't Be Embarrassed to Do at Your Desk" by Linda Steinberg.

Well let me just say, I did this at my table at Panera, and I did feel embarrassed. So thanks a lot Linda.

Prayer Pose Deskercise.
Source: Harvard Business Review

But I did like some of the stretches. I particularly liked the prayer pose and the neck stretches. The most important part of the article for me though was remembering to breathe! Sometimes I do little stretches at my desk, but I don't hold it long and breath through it. I think that may be the most important part and I haven't been doing it!

Growth Mindset: Perfection Is Trash

My biggest obstacle in accomplishing my goals is trying to be perfect. If I feel I won't do an assignment, I don't do it or put it off until there is so little time left it won't even be my best work. 

I am currently working on my Honors Thesis that I put off all semester because I was afraid of not being perfect. Now I'm freaking out it won't be good enough. But at this point, I just need to finish, do my best, and get honors credit. To finish, for it to be enough, is perfect for me. 

I chose Mulan because she is my fictional hero. No one believed in her, and she doubted she would ever be enough for anyone or anything. She would never be the perfect soldier to a lot of people. She makes a lot of mistakes. But in the end, she saves China because she tried her best and she was enough. 

Made with Cheezburger

Tech Tip: Creating Quote Image with Canva

This is my first quotemaker tech tip, and it was so much fun! I have used Canva before for my resume, but I never thought to use it for making quote images.

For this quote image, I used my favorite quote of all time: "To love another person is to see the face of God" from Victor Hugo's epic novel, Les Miserables. It is such a powerful idea that God is love, and to experience love on earth is to get a glimpse of God's power. I used the image of a child because in Les Miserables, there are of course various instances of powerful love. BUt the focus of the novel is how love for the child Cosette transforms Fantine and Jean Valjean. 

Wikipedia Trails: Grief to Illusion of Control

Let me apologize now. This is probably the strangest and most depressing way to start a Wikipedia Trail. I think I am starting from a non-traditional place. I chose to start with grief because of several reasons:

1. Last night I was driving, and I got the sudden urge to call my grandpa. I got my phone out, pulled up the phone application, got ready to hit his number, but then had to remind myself he's gone. It's been almost a year since he passed and I still have moments like this.
2. I read Erika's Famous Last Words post talking about how she wrote an essay for another class inspired by her relationship with her great-grandmother and her hymnal.
3. I am sitting at a Panera, and a man walked in and sat right in front of me. He looks exactly like my grandpa, and having to sit in front of this man is making my heart ache.
4. In both the Mythology and Folklore and Indian Epics classes, I have read many stories about grief. It is such a powerful emotion that inspires so many storytellers.

So yeah, this is depressing. But going into this assignment, this is what I wanted to learn more about.

Source: Wikipedia

Grief: What I found most interesting about this post is how it discussed that while crying is a very common response to bereavement and sign of grief, there are other ways and are referred to as "coping ugly". It also mentioned that there are five different identities people fall into when grieving: nomads, seekers, memorialists, normalizers, and activists. The article most often mentions George Bonanno and his research, so he must be a leading researcher on grief and bereavement.

Self-Serving Bias: This is one of the "coping ugly" reactions mentioned as a response to grieving. It means that someone believes everything good that happens to them is due to their own merit, but bad things are due to external factors (I get good grades because I'm smart, I get bad grades because that teacher can't teach and that one hates me and that one etc etc.). It didn't explicitly say how this looks in relation to grief, but I imagine it as "I had this person in my life because I'm so good and kind, but I lost him/her because the world is out to get me/God is out to get me/I'm the universe's target."

Optimism Bias:  This was listed as something to look into further at the end of the article. Like how the title sounds, it is the cognitive bias which leads someone to believe that bad things won't happen to them or that good things will happen to them. I think that many or most people have this. Almost everyone always thinks many times "but that won't happen to me".

Illusions of Control: A positive illusion that causes people to believe that they have control over things they couldn't such as gambling. Researchers believe this is adaptive as it is more common in mentally healthy individuals. This is something I believe I had when my grandpa was suffering from ALS. I would often think "if I pray hard enough, if I visit more often, if I think about it more or less, he will get better". It was an absolutely mentally exhausting and horrible experience. The best freedom came when I mostly understood ALS had nothing to do with any of us and we couldn't affect it neither positively nor negatively.

Week 14 Extra Reading: Tales of Ancient India: Krishna and the Gods, Part A

Baby Krishna
Source: Wikimedia

I think it's interesting how in traditional stories, there is always a prophecy so that an evil being wants to kill the child. We see it with Krishna, Zues, Jesus, and I'm sure so many others that are simply not coming to mind. Because of these situations, innocents always suffer. I think it is interesting though how the baby girl is almost killed in Krishna's place, but is saved at the last moment. Krishna's parents were willing to kill an innocent baby for their own child. Yes, Krishna is a god, but they made that judgment call to have an innocent killed because of them and their son.

What if she hadn't flown up into the air? How does Krishna feel that he was a totally aware an capable being (he told his parents where to take him), but he let innocent children die in his place? For Zeus, his brothers and sisters were alive and able to be saved. For Jesus, the New Testament god is a pretty hands off guy. It would be uncharacteristic and seemingly against the code of free will if he waved a hand and all the children killed in Jesus' place were saved. However, the Indian gods are always interfering, and yet the story says Kans was killing children to try and stop Krishna.

Krishna's Birth. Cox. Tales of Ancient India: Krishna and the Indian Gods(1891)

Week 14 Reading Notes: 9 Ideal Indian Women, Part A

This story from the beginning felt like such a classic. It felt a fairy tale I already knew and yet I had never read it and wasn't sure what to expect at the end.

Charon ferrying the dead to the underworld
Source: Wikimedia

I think it is powerful Savitri's love for her husband, but I wanted to know why they loved each other other than beauty. She was willing to give her life for this man she had known not even a year. I want to know more about them.

I loved the note at the end about women taking this oath. I think being widowed, especially when you have been married for a long time, would be so difficult. When I think of it in the context of Savritri's story, the oath they take seems very romantic instead of a convenience. I would like to write a story about how this oath might play out if it worked, but something went horribly wrong.

Devee. Nine Ideal Indian Women. (1919)

Famous Last Words: Stuck on the Side of the Road

I graduate in three weeks, y'all... I'm freaking out.

The school week was alright. I took a makeup exam for French. I didn't feel prepared at all, but I got a 93% so that was exciting! The rest of the week was pretty slow. I enjoyed the Jatakas I read. I love reading the traditional stories that are almost like nursery rhymes we grew up with, but often more meaningful. My favorite Jataka I read was the Great Elephant which I based my weekly story off of.

My car sitting in the shoulder on I-35 in Ardmore.
Source: My aunts who thought it was funny to take this picture. 

However, everything kind of went wrong this weekend. I went to Philadelphia to visit my boyfriend, the last chance I get to see him until June, so this was a very exciting/important trip. I even had an interview for a summer job lined up and some sublets to look at in the city. However, I was driving to Dallas (because it's so much cheaper to fly out of Dallas than Oklahoma City), and my car broke down. I was on the side of the interstate in Ardmore, an hour and a half from both Dallas and Oklahoma City. It's a long story, but I got lucky. I have family who live in Ardmore and I had family who happened to be nearby on their way back to OKC who picked me up and drove me back. My dad reluctantly agreed to drive me to Dallas, and I got to fly out to Philly.

My time in Philly was short and hurried. After leaving, I'm so stressed. I knew it wasn't the smartest decision to go even after all this. I could have stayed home and worked on school work, especially now that it's crunch time. It was just hard to not go knowing I wouldn't see him again for quite a while, and soon I'd be in France and not see him for seven months. I'm not good at giving up on things when I probably should.

But the past is the past. I went, didn't get much done this weekend. Now it's time to focus and get to graduation which is only three weeks away... oy vey.

Wikipedia Trails: Elephants to Maneka Sanjay Gandhi

Elephants: After reading the jataka of the Great Elephant, I was curious as to traditional beliefs towards elephants as this story depicts the elephant as extremely kind, wise, and caring for humans. What I learned is that elephants have been important in the history of India such as in war. In the Buddhist story of Gautama Buddha's mother, Maya, she dreamt she would give birth to an elephant, and the interpretation was that the child would be great. So elephants were obviously seen as important and great, a positive symbol. 

Maneka Sanjay Gandhi
Source: Wikipedia

Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act: In 1960, India's Parliament passed a law to stop cruelty to animals. It was particularly rumored that working elephants were subjected to abuse. This however does not exclude killing animals if for a religious purpose. 

People for Animals Uttarakhand: This organization was founded in 1992 with the goal of protecting animals from cruel abuses. They have inspected many different cases and pushed for stronger restrictions such as animal birth control on breeding dogs. They had a case where a visually impaired elephant was forced to work commercial rides, so sad!

Maneka Sanjay Gandhi: Maneka Gandhi is a political animal rights activist in India She has been a part of the Indian government since the 90's and was married to a politician who died in 1980. She is an animal rights activist and also fights for children and women, though she has been criticized recently for some gender-biased comments. 

Week 13 Story: Finding a King

(This is a continuation of a previous story, To Save a Prince. You don't need to read it to understand this story, but you may read it if you would like the background story.)

The king was determined to find someone to succeed him. He wanted someone unselfish who would be caring and just towards the people. He needed someone completely unlike his sons who cared only for themselves and power.

The king set off to search the land for the perfect candidate. He came to a town that was filled with people, one of the largest populations he had ever seen. It was surrounded by large hills, so well hidden that most travelers would never notice. The king had been sending aid to this village for years, but with little progress. It was a black mark on his record for improving the lives of his people. The king spent a few days there, but couldn't find anyone with the potential to be king.

Rather than follow the map to the next city, he traveled off the beaten path, leaving behind his escort and taking only his valet. "I need some time before I continue the search," he told his men.

The king rode for half a day and almost turned back, having had enough time away from his search to think. Just as he was about to return to the village and his men, he saw a large farm with a beautiful, large house on the horizon. He pressed on.

When he came to the chateau, he saw a man on his knees, gardening.

"Good sir, who lives here?"

"I do! My family owned this land for generations."

"I am king and I have never heard of you. Do you not pay taxes? How do you live?"

"Well, I don't own anything. I donated the land to the village to the east. They come work the land and take what they harvest. I don't own this house either, but because of my generosity and in honor of my family's history, they allow me to live here."

"Why did you donate the land?"

"The village was struggling. I have no need of excess. I am happy to take what I need to survive and giving gives me purpose."

"Are you not aware of the extreme poverty of the village just to the west?"

"What are talking about? There are no nearby villages to the west."

"It is surrounded by hills. Very few people visit, and the people are starving. they often do not leave."

The man’s face became ashen. He began rambling about if only he had known, he would have helped them too. The king tried to console him, reminding of how he helped an entire other village, and he can’t help everyone, but nothing seemed to calm the man down.

“I must return to the village before dark,” the king said. “Please don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Village surrounded by hills.
Source: pxhere

The king and his men made camp, and in the morning they prepared to depart. Though the sun shone brightly on the new day, the king was feeling hopeless, and he worried he would never find the perfect king.

When they came to the center of the village, they were surprised to see everyone running about, gathering what few things they possessed and finding all their family members. They were frantic, but there was a joyous excitement in the air.

“Kind lady,” the king said to a young woman passing by. “What is happening?”

“Your highness, it’s a miracle!” She told the king the good news, but he couldn’t believe it.

He took his horse and raced to the enormous house from yesterday. Villagers were filing into the front entrance while the man stood by happily welcoming them in.

“Simon,” the king called out. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Your highness, I am happy to let you know I solved the problem. I spoke with the village to the east. They would only allow one quarter of the land to be harvested by the western village. However, I thought of a solution! The people can all live here! It isn’t perfect, but I hope that this is the right start to helping these people.”

“That’s wonderful!” the king said. “But, why are you carrying such a large bundle?”

“Well I must leave, I can no longer live here. When the eastern village learned I had given the home away to people when they were allowing me to live here, they weren’t happy. They’re running me out of town. But I gave all the artwork and most of the furnishings to the eastern village so that they would allow the western village to live here in peace.”

“You have given everything to these people you don’t even know.”

“It is not right to see people suffering and do nothing,” Simeon said.

The king smiled, happier than he had been in years. “Simeon, I have found a king.”  

Author's Note: This is a continuation of a story I wrote in which a king must choose which son to save so that he can be king. In my story, he chooses neither because both are selfish. He sets out to find a king who would be a caring as he is. 

This story is based off of the Jataka of the great elephant who sacrifices his life so that a group of starving men can eat and drink from his corpse so that they will survive. In my story, the man also gives selflessly and sacrifices everything (except his life) so that a village of people can survive. This act of selflessness shows the king that he has found the man who should be king. 

Inayat. The Great Elephant, Twenty Jataka Tales (1939)

Reading Notes Week 13: Twenty Jatakas Tales, Part B

Of all the jatakas I've, read, I thought the Great Elephant was by far the most powerful story. I don't think it's so much the sacrifice itself, but how immediate it was and for men he had only just met.

Image of an elephant.
Source: Wikipedia

I don't know if it was easier because or more meaningful because he had had such an easy life before that. For example, he had never shed tears before he met those men. On one hand, this sadness that was new to him was so profound and he could so quickly empathize with these strangers, and he threw himself off a mountain.

On the other hand, he had never known any sadness, so of course this sadness would be profound. He had nothing to compare it to you. At such a profound sadness that is made all the more powerful because it is the first negative emotion ever felt, he of course acted on it. Perhaps it was part sacrifice, but also part "who knew this world was so cruel, I would rather not live in it while also helping others." I can see how an elephant who thought the world was perfect would be shattered after having such a pristine bubble of a worldview popped.

Inayat. The Great Elephant, Twenty Jataka Tales (1939)

Reading Notes Week 13: Inayat Twenty Jataka Tales

I think that this is an interesting example of how the human world interacts with the animal world in the Jataka Tales. So in this jataka, the swans all have their own kingdom in a lake while they can talk to humans. 

Image of Swan
Source: Wikimedia

I think it is interesting that this king wants to see this swan so badly, and then has no evil ulterior motive. I think that stories normally when brahmin are not involved, the king would then want to skin them or keep them caged, especially if he "thirsted" for the swan. 

If I rewrote this story, I would want to reverse who wants whom. I think that the swan would want to see a great human king so that he could rule over the earth the way humans do. I think the abduction scene could be really fun to write!

Inayat. The Swan Kingdom,Twenty Jataka Tales (1939)

Wikipedia Trail: Draupadi to President of the Qurorum of the Twelve Apostles

Draupadi: Before revising and posting my Draupadi story to my portfolio, I wanted to double check Draupadi's story and get a good overall picture of her legacy. Something I found interesting was how the wikipedia article mentioned how at the time, ployandry was controversial, and her marriage to multiple men was not without some uncomfortable feelings on the contemporary readers' part.

Polyandry: I had never thought about women having multiple husbands and it being a separate issue. I never even knew there was a specific word for it! i just thought it was polygamy and it usually worked out where it was a man who had multiple wives! Across the world, while polygyny (men with multiple wives) is frequently found, ployandry is hardly ever acceptable (as of 1980).

Brigham Young,
Former President of the Quorum
of the Twelve Apostles
Source: Wikipedia

1890 Manifesto: I think many Americans are like me, and when we think of polygamy we almost immediately associate it with Mormons. However, this article mentioned religious attitudes towards polygamy and polyandry and mentioned how the 1890 Manifesto was supposed to end polygamous marriages (so that Utah could become a state). However, it does say that while it fell out of vogue over time, there are Mormon fundamentalists today who still believe the manifesto was not revelation as the church claims.

President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: This a priesthood mentioned in the article about the 1890 Manifesto because the president at the time believed that the 1890 Manifesto was a sign the Second Coming of Jesus was eminent and that polygamy would be reinstated after he came. I am just surprised that there is a priesthood in the LDS church! Whoever is president is next in line to become president of the entire church, which I think sounds so much like a mix between a monarchical state and the popes.

Famous Last Words: One Month Countdown

Well I am officially less than one month from graduation. And I have to tell y'all, I'm terrified. I feel like my thoughts are a running loop of curse words. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but as the day grows closer I'm becoming... resigned I think is the word I would use. Resigned to the fact that whatever happens, happens. If I don't graduate with honors because I didn't finish my honors thesis, that's what happens. If I end up with a horrible grade in my French Lit class, that's what happens.

I'm feeling ok about this class. The grade I want is within reach as long as i stay on top of assignments for these last three weeks coming up. I'll be cutting it close, but it's definitely possible.

But there are other big things happening! I got accepted into the program in France where I'll be an English teaching assistant in France for 7 months. I'm excited, but also feeling a lot of other emotions...

I'm getting real fidgety as I finish college. I want to get a job, I want to actually have money, and I want to start seeing a future. I am afraid that running away to France for seven months and living off my small assistant stipend will get me further away from finding a goal. I don't want to get to month 4 of this program and feel stuck. My friend is doing the program now, and she talks about how purposeless it often feels. The traveling while I'm there will be fun, but I won't have much money to do it!

How I feel, yo
Source: Wikimedia

There's also the problem of my boyfriend. We've only been dating since February, and it's been long distance from Oklahoma to Philly all this time. We really care about each other and don't want to call it quits because of this opportunity I have. But over a year long distance is a long time, especially once I'm in France and we'll have the problem of time zones! So in order to make this work, I'm trying to find a job and sublet in Philly so we can spend the summer together before I leave in the fall for France. (If anyone wants to sublet my apartment in Norman, hmu!!)

So basically a lot is happening, my head is constantly spinning, and I just keep telling myself it will all be ok. Will it be? Ha, who knows...

Week 12 Story: Slithering Friends

"Lahana!" her sister-in-law shouted. "Why are there snakes in this pot?"

Lahana ran into the room. "Don't hurt them, Asalee! They are deities."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember those fish I found? Well they turned into snakes! They are obviously deities in disguise! Now I must only take care of them and wait until they bless me and our home."

"Lahana, did you ever think the snakes could have eaten the fish and remained in the pot?"

"No, but I know-"

"How long have you cared for these snakes with no reward?"

"One month... but I know they will soon-"

"Lahana, get rid of these snakes."

"Asalee, I can't! We will be cursed forever!"

"Fine, but you can't have them in the kitchen. Take them out to the stable and care for them there."

Lahana solemnly took the pot and began carrying it to the stable to care for the two snakes.

"You better wash that pot twice when you're done with it!" Asalee called out to her.

One month later.

"What is happening?" Asalee was in the kitchen and turned to see her mother-in-law entering the kitchen, her face red. "Asalee, what is happening in this house? Why are there two snakes in a pot in the stable? Who is keeping snakes as pets?"

Source: flickr

Asalee sighed and set down the knife she was using. "Lahana believes them to be deities in disguise. She thinks if she cares for them, they will bless her."

"That girl has lost her mind. I told my husband not to marry off our youngest son to such a bizarre girl. But no one listens to me! I will tell him to kill them when he gets back from the fields."

"Oh dear mother, please don't kill the snakes. Lahana will be devastated and she will be no use to me. I can't run this household for you with no help! Please, just tell her to take them elsewhere."

"Fine, she can keep them out by the orange tree."

A few hours later.

Asalee was getting worried. Lahana had not come back to the house after moving her "deities". The sun was setting and it would be dark soon.

"That girl!" she said rolling her eyes. She grabbed her shawl and went out to find her sister-in-law.

She walked out to the orange tree, holding her candle close to her, trying to stop the wind from blowing out her light. One moment she was walking, the next she was falling. Her candle went out, and she was left in the dark. What could she have fallen over in a flat field? Tentatively, she reached back to feel for what tripped her. She felt soft silk. Quickly, she fumbled for a match and relit her candle. Though she knew what she would find and didn't want to see, she knew she had to.

There Lahana lay on the ground, empty pot by her side. She touched her sister-in-law's face and moved her hair back from her eyes. She saw bite marks, two red points marked her dark skin where a pair of fangs had pierced neck.

Asalee said a prayer. "May the gods bless a girl who wanted only to please them. May she find true divinity."




Author's Note: In the original story, the two snakes truly are deities who are testing her. However, Lahana has very little evidence to believe they aren't average snakes. So I thought it would  be interesting to explore what that story would look like if they weren't deities.

Sacred Tales of India. Dwijendra Nath Neogi (1916)