Here is the link to my project portfolio:
Each story is explores a different theme of power: how people
want it, attain it, lose it, and more.
want it, attain it, lose it, and more.
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| Image of Indian landscape. Source: maxipixel |
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Famous Last Words: Peace Out Homies
Once I turn in this assignment, I will be done with this class. And then I'll only have one thesis and one final exam. And then I'll...
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Hello everyone! My name is Jillian and I am almost out of here! That's right. In May of 2018 I am blowing this popsicle stand with ... -
Here is the link to my project portfolio: Stories of Power Each story is explores a different theme of power: how people want it, ... -
Two brothers were walking in the woods when suddenly a creature ran violently through the forest. The younger brother was prepared to ignore...
Hi Jillian great job on your story! I really liked how you took the story and really made it your own. The story contained a lot of interesting details and I really liked the plot twist near the end. One thing that would be interesting is making your stories into more of a paragraph form with intermittent dialogue. It could add a suspenseful aspect to the story which would add even more depth. Great job on your story I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHi Jillan,
ReplyDeleteThat was an excellent story. I realized where you got your source material as I got to the end of the story, and you did an amazing job at retelling that story with your own additions to flesh it out.
I'm not entirely sure where you could improve the actual content, because I thought it was very good. However, in the paragraph break before "Years passed...", I was wondering if there was some symbol or text that you could include to visually show the time/setting change. I'm not sure exactly what that would look like though. Maybe something as simple as dotted lines? In any case, excellent story.
Hi Jillian!
ReplyDeleteI read your story titled, "The King's Sandals." Right away, I noticed that the apostrophe was misplaced in the title. Luckily, that's an easy fix and I just wanted to bring it to your attention.
I love the fact that you made Isabella such a strong figure in the story. I feel as though there aren't women that go on great missions in the stories I have read thus far, and I did not even notice it until yours stood out for the reason that it broke that pattern. In addition to this, you did a wonderful job of providing plenty of details throughout the story. This made it easy to follow and visualize along the way which I appreciate.
Your story was well-written and I am excited to re-visit your project as you continue to develop more stories and tweak the existing stories week-by-week! Thank you for sharing!
Jillian,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your Sandal Story. Having the power represented by sandals was hilarious to me. After 10 years, I am surprised no body questioned this king's power sooner. Having Isabella overtake the throne all due to not having her problems actually addressed was a surprise turn. I also liked how the story itself was laid out. It was very reader-friendly. I do wonder how the new Queen's rule will play out. Perhaps that could be something you write about in the future.
Hey Jillian,
ReplyDeleteI actually like the simplistic idea of your portfolio of you just putting in your favorite stories. That is exactly what I am doing. I think it is good to put out your favorite stories and be free in what you write.
Overall your stories are really good. I like how you are using dialogue between the characters in each story. I think that is crucial in almost any story. I wonder what would happen if you went into more background detail in each story? Do you think this could help the reader relate to the story a little more? What if you changed the header picture to each of your stories to a unique one? This may help the reader get a better feel of what each story is going to be about before they start reading. Just an idea though. Overall, great job and I am really looking forward to seeing your project grow!!
Hi Jillian!
ReplyDeleteYour site was very easy to navigate, and I had no issues with functionality.
The King's Sandals made me laugh! I pictured the DMV when you described her experiences waiting in line, and then I pictured arriving to the DMV desk at long last just to see a pair of flip-flops sitting on the desk (with a sign that says Back In Ten Years).
Your writing style is a nice balance between description and well-crafted dialogue; I didn't have to struggle to keep up with who was talking and didn't have to mentally weed out the "he said" phrase after each and every sentence.
If anything, I want to know more about the lives of Aesha and Jaina; yet, that may be difficult in the context of our 1000-word-total-post limitation.
Great work, and can't wait to read more! And thank you for the lovely DMV-flip-flops mental image, that really made my day :)
Hey Jillian! I really liked the layout of your site. I read both “Once Sisters” and “The King’s Sandals” (Spelled “Kin’gs” on page). Both of these stories were written well. “Once Sisters” was based on one of the stories that I really enjoyed from the Ramayana. While reading the original story there is no information given on how the goblins arrived onto the island, or why they desired to eat people. Your story gave a wonderful background on how Aesha became the goblin.
ReplyDelete“The King’s Sandals” touches on one of the many illogical parts of the Ramayana, where a king can disappear and the kingdom continues to run without any problems. I like that Jerald was kind enough to do all of the king’s work without any of the credit. I noticed one inconsistency though. If Jerald thought that the king was not returning, then why did he write a letter? I feel as though he would not care about Leroy at that point.
Hey there, Jillian!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed checking out your project page. You have a very easy to navigate front page. I also thought that the background image was very nice. It gives your project a nice feel to it. I think that is always an important piece. I thought your first story was great. The tragedy of the situation was very saddening, but I thought it was a great personal addition. It truly explains what goes on in the source story. I was hoping that she would be able to save her sister from the tragedy that had fallen upon her. However, this was just not possible due to the circumstances. I also really enjoyed your second story. I thought it had a nice balance of seriousness and comedic relief. It is funny for a king to think that leaving his sandals symbolizes his rule. I also felt bad for Jerald as he was stuck ruling the kingdom in the king’s absence. It was very ignorant of the king to bestow such a responsibility on someone else.
Hi Jillian! First off, I had a great time exploring your portfolio! I am writing a portfolio as well, so I like to adventure into other people's portfolios and see how they are creating theirs! Before even reading your stories, I was intrigued by your cover photo! I decided to read your author notes before your story, and I couldn't help but be stopped by and love how you noted your interest in stories with women of power and strength. I think this is a great theme to keep throughout your portfolio stories. Unlike most stories, yours utilizes a lot of dialogue, which is really helpful in keeping the reader intrigued and engaged. I like that you switched in between heavy dialogue and heavy narration. This is something I haven't seen pulled off very well on other projects. Your letter at the end of the story was a creative touch. I think to enhance this story, you could get creative on the language and tone of your dialogue/word choices! Great job
ReplyDeleteHey Jillian! I love that you are focusing on powerful women in your portfolio. One of the things that I have noticed in many of our readings is that there is rarely a lot of explanation as to why certain characters do the things that they do. This story, for example, does not explain why the she-goblins marry the men first, so I like that you took the time to give it your own explanation.
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian! I read your story, Once Sisters and really liked it. I like how there was a lot of dialogue. I noticed that throughout the story, you didn't always put who was saying what. For example, in the beginning you wrote:
ReplyDelete""You can't fish here! This is a sacred forest."
but you did not mention which one of the sisters said it or if they even said it. In the next sentence, you did say the fisherman was speaking though. I like that you described what the characters were thinking. It gave some insight on their feelings. I was a little confused on the part where Jaina tells her sister she's leaving and that is was the only way she'll be happy again since it doesn't mention anywhere that she's unhappy. Maybe you can elaborate on that? I'm curious about what the sisters are thinking when they have their disagreements. I also couldn't tell if they were angry or just having a conversation. I liked how you reunited the sisters. It was annoying how Aesha was blaming her sister though for her failed marriage since she told her sister not to get involved but it was funny how she turned into a goblin though. I like how creative you got with the original story. I look forward to reading the rest of your story to see what happens next! Keep up the good work!
Hello Jillian! I read your Once Sisters story and I really enjoyed it! I like the simplicity of your website as well. It is not overly plain, but not really busy either. There are some things you could change so that the story is easier to read. The dialogue should be a little more clearer, so that we can tell who is saying what. Also, you could put a picture that relates to the story, at the beginning, instead of the one of Lakshmi at the end. Story-wise, I suggest that you elaborate a little more on why Aesha was blaming her sister and why Jaina chose to go so many years without contacting her sister to make sure she was okay with her new husband. She was so quick to fall in love with a man she had just met. Maybe you could describe what drew her to him with some reasoning as to why it seemed okay to her to marry a person she just met. You did a great job so far. I can't wait to read your other stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Jillian. I like your portfolio theme, it is very simple and tidy. It might be useful for you to put a link to your comment wall somewhere on the home page, so your readers don’t have to go searching for it. Your first story, about the goblin city, was a really neat take on the story. I did not realize at first which story this was taken from but was pleasantly surprised at the end. It is a great way to explain why the fairy didn’t help the sailors in the original story, and you were really able to let your creativity run wild here. Your second story has great premise. I like the thought of having sandals for a king. The letter telling of the follow up story is an excellent way to convey what you really wanted to write but ran out of space for. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi there, Jillian!
ReplyDeleteFor starters, I would like to talk about your project as a whole. I really love the simplicity of it and how it was so easy to navigate. It really allows for your reader to focus on the content within which I love! As far as your stories go, I enjoy them so much! I really zoomed in on your second story and I noticed that we write in a similar fashion. I usually end up using one small detail from the original story and completely changing the rest to make it my own. I love that you got to recreate this story to be something you enjoy in the stories and movies you see. I love that Isabella ended up taking over after pretending she was just asking for help. This really pulled me in as the reader.
Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
Hi Jillian! I loved your project page. It was super easy to find everything and it looks really good too. I read your Once Sisters story and really enjoyed the dialogue that you included in your writing. I like trying to add dialogue in my writing because I think it gives it character and brings it to life. If you maybe put a picture towards the start of the story instead of the end, so people that are reading could visualize better. In all, I think your project is great and I loved getting to read your writing!
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian! I really enjoyed your Once Sister story. I think it was unique and made your story engaging to include conversation throughout the story. I actually felt as if I was reading a fairy tale story when I was reading. The overarching theme in the story was really good as well! The topic that you chose is really cool! Your second story was also really great. As I was reading, I kept on getting pulled in deeper. I love your writing. Overall, I think you have done a fantastic job! I think it would be a great idea to add a link of your comment page to the home page of your project also maybe a little description of what your project is or what it will be about. I look forward to reading more from you in the future! Also, good luck in the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Jillian! I really like the stories that you have chosen to showcase in your project. I think that your takes on them are incredibly unique. For the first story, It also bothered me that the fairy didn’t do anything about the goblins on the island. In the fifth paragraph of the first story you can combine the sentence that starts with “but” with the sentence preceding it. The flow is awkward with them separated as is. Also, the spacing is a bit odd in all of your stories. I know that happens to me when I copy and paste from Word into the google sites format. It doesn’t really harm anything, but it just looks weird. You may consider fixing that if you get a chance. Overall, I really liked your stories. You have a really great writing style and you are pretty good at writing dialogue. A lot of people struggle with writing believable dialogue, so good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian! Your story, "Rescued" was amazing! I could just feel the vulnerability as I read about Draupadi being scared in the corner of her apartment. I really like how she finally had enough and decided it was time to defend herself. Not only did she save herself, but she also overcame her fears! I am also a huge fan of Law & Order: SVU. Olivia Benson is probably one of my favorite characters from that show. I really like how you changed the tone when she becomes brave. I was honestly expecting her to be tied up and waiting to saved by her brothers but I wasn't surprised that she saved herself. She is in modern New York after all. This story was so well written that so many themes can be taken away from it!
ReplyDeleteHey, Jillian, I really enjoyed exploring your portfolio. Your stories are entertaining and the accompanying pictures work really well. One thing I did notice is that your author's notes could be longer. Consider adding a bit more about the original story so that readers can identify what changes you've made more clearly. I would also just spend some time reading your stories out loud. There are a few moments that don't flow as well as others because of awkward wording. Those moments are easy to miss when reading it silently on a screen but if you try to read aloud you'll catch them. I would like to point out how strong your dialogue is, it really shines and moves the stories along nicely. I would also suggest changing the header picture on the individual stories so that they are different and not the same as the one on the homepage. Other than those minor things, well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Jillian! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections and the titles of your different stories. I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading all of your stories that you have incorporated into your portfolio. I really enjoyed reading “To Save a Prince” and I thought your story flowed really well and had some great dialogue between your characters. I feel like this gives your story more dimensions and makes it more interactive for the reader. Also, I feel like the concept for most of your stories were really creative and you did a great job at explaining the original stories in your Author’s Note! Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
ReplyDeleteHi, Jillian! I love the cover photo that you’ve chosen for you website. It’s beautiful! Looking at Once Sisters, I like that you began your story in a more expositional style to set the scene. I think that something that would add to your story is more description. You could give examples of what the forest looks like or perhaps how the river sounded? You have used a lot of dialogue which I really like! The conversation between the sisters allows us to understand the frustration that is actually happening. I really like what you’ve done with this story, my only complaint is that I wish it could be longer! Its hard with these stories because they are not that long to begin with, so it can be a real task to give them length. I like that you found a way to give meaning and background to the story which could otherwise be confusing! Thanks so much for sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteHi there, Jillian!
ReplyDeleteI love that this is my third time getting to come back and read your stories. It is so fun getting to see how everything has come together. You did a great job! I love that you really described the scene in the opening of your story as I feel like it helps the reader truly imagine your story taking place from the get-go. I also really love all of the dialogue you used! Dialogue is my favorite as it brings each character to life in your story and makes the story much more interesting and easier to read.
Overall, I feel like you could add in a bit more details just to bring out a little more of the original story. I know I struggle with finding the right amount of the original story to add into my own without losing my reading.
I really enjoyed your project and wish you the best as you finish up this semester!
Hello Jillian! Your website looks very clean and well put together. I like your home page image, I does a good job of setting the landscape for the reader to picture your characters in. It would be nice to see an introduction to your stories on the home page however. Without a small intro I have no idea what your story is about without just reading them outright. It would be nice to give the reader an idea of what stories you are telling and the themes of your project. I think your story layout could use some work as well. You break up to many sentences and separate them by big gaps of white space, which makes it hard to read eventually. I do really like your modern takes on all of the stories however. It breathes new life into stories that seem not too relatable to modern life as they were told centuries ago. Overall good job with the project!
ReplyDeleteHello Jillian. I thought you did a really great job on your project. One of the first things that I noticed was that you had 5 stories. Way to go, that is a lot of writing. Your stories were also all really good. I liked your story "Once Sisters". This was a really interesting retelling, and trying to make sense and piece the details of the original together made a really good story. I think this would have been a good topic to break up into several different stories. One improvement that I thought of is that a few points seemed to be lacking details. I think elaborating a bit more would have improved the stories. I also thought that the images were a bit lacking. I understand how difficult it is to find good usable images, but this would have been a good way to further improve the project. Overall I was really pleased with everything and thought your stories were really great.
ReplyDeleteHello, Jillian I read the "Once Sister" reading and from the jump you told us the two sisters had magical powers and were fairy's. They spent the day using their powers to help people in any shape or form. The first part of the story was good but as i kept reading it started to get sad, I was upset at the fact she was treating her sister this way because in her head, it was the right way to go and be immortal. Her sister just wanted to be happy, but the other sister did not feel right at all about this. This caused them to have issues. In the end the sister that betrayed her sister and left her alone turned out to have the hardest life. I think this story was a great story and it showed that you should never pick family over a man that you just met and promised you something that you knew was wrong.
ReplyDelete