Famous Last Words: Peace Out Homies

Once I turn in this assignment, I will be done with this class. And then I'll only have one thesis and one final exam. And then I'll be done. I'm walking across the stage in about a week. Crazy... Alright, deep breaths. Don't want to have a panic attack at 5 am. 

I am so ready and absolutely not ready to graduate at the same time. But I am sure that I am not ready to be done with this class. After taking this class for two semesters with Indian Epics and Mythology and Folklore, it's hard to remember a time before these courses. I haven't been grateful enough for this opportunity to read stories from around the world and then write creatively about them. I've been so spoiled!! Maybe I'll just have to audit the course every semester until Laura Gibbs kicks me out. 

I'm currently at my parents' house in Oklahoma City because I came to visit and do laundry. It's weird to be sitting on my bed from high school and think about graduating from college. It seriously seems like yesterday I was 15 and coming to OU's campus for my first Classics Day. It was my favorite day of the year, and all I wanted was to live that everyday at OU. It's weird to think I'll be graduating in Letters, the major I always thought would be so cool to study. I look back at my college career, and I do have regrets. There are moments I'd love to be a Freshman in college again, or if I could just whisper in the ear of 18 year old Jillian. 

But there's other moments that I think life has to keep moving. I don't want to move so quickly I get dizzy and don't enjoy it, but staying in one place for too long, no growth or development, will ultimately limit me. I can already feel how I have mastered a Bachelor's. Of course there's always more things to learn and I wish I could take every class I want to take. But truly, I've figured undergraduate life out. It's time to challenge myself again in more than just course material. 

The day before I moved into my Freshman year apartment, I took my baby brother to Build-A-Bear to spend the day together. I knew he was going to be sad about me moving out, so I wanted to remind him that I would always be his big sister. Now I'm graduating, and he may be almost 12, but I still need to remind him of this. Weird to think this day was four years ago!!

Freshman Year Jillian
Source: Personal Photo

P.S. Laura, if you're reading this, I would love to stay in touch somehow. You've been the coolest professor I've never met! I feel very dorky typing this, but oh well, I'm graduating.

Famous Last Words: Make or Break Time

Reading everyone's posts about finishing the semester, going back home, having very calm dead week/finals week ahead is giving me some severe jealousy.

As I have mentioned several times in other posts, I am spending my GORGEOUS Sunday stuck inside trying to get work done. It's so pretty outside! I'd rather be enjoying the sun and light breeze. But being inside with WiFi is my punishment for this semester's procrastination. Not only am I working on my Indian Epics Assignments, but I have to write my Honors Thesis. I am really worried it's going to turn out horrible, but I am going to be using my mantra that I came up with for the Growth Mindset assignment this week: Perfection is impossible; to be enough is perfection. I believe that remembering this simple mantra will help give me the motivation I need to just do the dang paper. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to do it. If I don't I took all those honors classes for nothing and suffered through a semester long Milton course for jack-squat.

As for Indian Epics, I have to do every remaining assignment for the semester and I should be ok. I was dreading doing every assignment, especially because I'm so worried about my thesis. However, these have been quite therapeutic, especially my Growth Mindset assignment and Tech Tip.

Panera's Hot Chocolate.
Source: Personal Photo

on a lighter note, anyone here ever had a hot chocolate from Panera? I had before. It came in a little disposable cup, like your average hot chocolate. Well I got one this morning, and it was a completely different experience! Oh my goodness this hot chocolate was ridiculous! It had marshmallows, but they were covered in chocolate powder with tiny chocolate chips that melted and so when you bit into it, it was extra chocolatey!! Y'all it was heavenly. My lactose uncomfortable nature hates me, but it was so worth it. Get to your local Panera now and get this bad boy.

Famous Last Words: Stuck on the Side of the Road

I graduate in three weeks, y'all... I'm freaking out.

The school week was alright. I took a makeup exam for French. I didn't feel prepared at all, but I got a 93% so that was exciting! The rest of the week was pretty slow. I enjoyed the Jatakas I read. I love reading the traditional stories that are almost like nursery rhymes we grew up with, but often more meaningful. My favorite Jataka I read was the Great Elephant which I based my weekly story off of.

My car sitting in the shoulder on I-35 in Ardmore.
Source: My aunts who thought it was funny to take this picture. 

However, everything kind of went wrong this weekend. I went to Philadelphia to visit my boyfriend, the last chance I get to see him until June, so this was a very exciting/important trip. I even had an interview for a summer job lined up and some sublets to look at in the city. However, I was driving to Dallas (because it's so much cheaper to fly out of Dallas than Oklahoma City), and my car broke down. I was on the side of the interstate in Ardmore, an hour and a half from both Dallas and Oklahoma City. It's a long story, but I got lucky. I have family who live in Ardmore and I had family who happened to be nearby on their way back to OKC who picked me up and drove me back. My dad reluctantly agreed to drive me to Dallas, and I got to fly out to Philly.

My time in Philly was short and hurried. After leaving, I'm so stressed. I knew it wasn't the smartest decision to go even after all this. I could have stayed home and worked on school work, especially now that it's crunch time. It was just hard to not go knowing I wouldn't see him again for quite a while, and soon I'd be in France and not see him for seven months. I'm not good at giving up on things when I probably should.

But the past is the past. I went, didn't get much done this weekend. Now it's time to focus and get to graduation which is only three weeks away... oy vey.

Famous Last Words: One Month Countdown

Well I am officially less than one month from graduation. And I have to tell y'all, I'm terrified. I feel like my thoughts are a running loop of curse words. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but as the day grows closer I'm becoming... resigned I think is the word I would use. Resigned to the fact that whatever happens, happens. If I don't graduate with honors because I didn't finish my honors thesis, that's what happens. If I end up with a horrible grade in my French Lit class, that's what happens.

I'm feeling ok about this class. The grade I want is within reach as long as i stay on top of assignments for these last three weeks coming up. I'll be cutting it close, but it's definitely possible.

But there are other big things happening! I got accepted into the program in France where I'll be an English teaching assistant in France for 7 months. I'm excited, but also feeling a lot of other emotions...

I'm getting real fidgety as I finish college. I want to get a job, I want to actually have money, and I want to start seeing a future. I am afraid that running away to France for seven months and living off my small assistant stipend will get me further away from finding a goal. I don't want to get to month 4 of this program and feel stuck. My friend is doing the program now, and she talks about how purposeless it often feels. The traveling while I'm there will be fun, but I won't have much money to do it!

How I feel, yo
Source: Wikimedia

There's also the problem of my boyfriend. We've only been dating since February, and it's been long distance from Oklahoma to Philly all this time. We really care about each other and don't want to call it quits because of this opportunity I have. But over a year long distance is a long time, especially once I'm in France and we'll have the problem of time zones! So in order to make this work, I'm trying to find a job and sublet in Philly so we can spend the summer together before I leave in the fall for France. (If anyone wants to sublet my apartment in Norman, hmu!!)

So basically a lot is happening, my head is constantly spinning, and I just keep telling myself it will all be ok. Will it be? Ha, who knows...

Famous Last Words: Rest and Recovery

Monday morning I wrote about how I was diagnosed with strep as a continuation of my health woes of this semester. Well, the doctor said some strain of strep, even though the test was negative. He was sure of it. Come Wednesday morning I was feeling even worse, even though the doctor at urgent care had said that I should be good to return to work and school. I knew something had to be wrong when I couldn't swallow, my temperature was getting higher, and I was supposed to be good to return to school while taking the antibiotics. So I went to Goddard and I have to say I had a great experience at our university health clinic! I have never bothered going but now I wish I had utilized their services since Freshman year. The nurse and nurse practitioner were so kind, especially since I was so frustrated with not knowing what was going on with my body!

Turns out I had mono! Apparently some people react to mono with symptoms that so mirror strep, the only way to know is taking a blood sample. But they also tested for other strains of strep and guess what! I also have a strain of strep! But the antibiotics I was on react poorly with mono, hence why I was getting worse.

So Monday through Saturday, I haven't gone to any of my three jobs or class. I finally feel like I have recovered from both strep and mono. Perhaps this is TMI, but y'all, this has been my whole week. This is all I have been thinking about. Today I was finally feeling energized enough to do some assignments.

Chart of mono symptoms
Source: Wikipedia

But I would just like to say to TAKE YOUR HEALTH CONCERNS SERIOUSLY. For over a month I have been going to doctors and counselors telling them how I have been falling asleep while trying to do readings for class, zero energy for fun and hobbies, extreme loss of appetite, and just a general lackluster motivation. None took me seriously, just saying that I need more sleep and I have senioritis. I was so frustrated with myself. Well, it turns out mono doesn't start showing symptoms for 4-7 weeks, meaning I have probably had mono for over two months. My body has been fighting off this horrible virus. No wonder I've been tired!! So I am going to talk to my professors and hopefully they will be understanding about my situation and why I have fallen behind academically.

Famous Last Words: Health Stuff

Source: Wikimedia

Today is a great lesson in why I should never procrastinate. There were so many academic projects I needed to be working on today and be finishing up very soon. Unfortunately I woke up at 2 am unable to swallow. I'd been having a sore throat, but while I was sleeping it had gotten so much worse! So I got to the Urgent Care as soon as it opened to find out that I have strep throat. My body aches, I have no energy for anything, and so now I'm just sitting and stressing in pain. 

Thankfully, I am not as behind in this class as I thought I was, so I am still doing well and aiming for an A by the end of the semester. I got my project assignment in and I an get away with putting off some assignments while I'm "resting". However, in my other classes, I can't afford to miss more lectures and I was supposed to be doing research all day. But the thought of reading dense academic papers sounds like the worst thing right now. 

I'm also running low on funds since I went out of town for spring break and now I'm missing a whole day at two of my jobs. Being sick was bad enough when I was a kid, but then I got to miss school with no consequences and just watch America's Next Top Model in peace. Now I'm working on assignments and stressfully watching 30 Rock. 

All I can say you guys is don't go get sick from whatever strain of strep this is that's going around. Drink some Emergen-C, eat your vegetables, and wash your hands as much as possible! I'll be over here struggling to swallow water and forcing myself to stay within the recommended doe of ibuprofen. 

Famous Last Words: Back to the real world

This past Spring Break week was not what I was expecting at all. I flew to Philadelphia and now I am sitting in the airport waiting to fly back. I thought that this week would be mostly filled with fun times, great memories, and lots of exploring. Instead, it was mostly stressful, I was not feeling well, and now I am just exhausted. I was so homesick for so much of the trip and now I can't wait to come home and hang out with my family. It was nice seeing my boyfriend there since we hardly ever see each other, but I am looking forward to being home.

Once I land in Oklahoma, I will once again be a part of the real world of work, school, and responsibilities. I have to keep reminding myself that there won't be any relaxing time between arriving in Norman and suddenly being busy again. I am already falling behind because the time I thought I could spend working on school work was not available during this trip as I had planned. I have an independent study course this semester that I am so behind on and feel so unprepared for that I have stress dreams about it all the time.

I finished my revision assignment for my second portfolio story and I am feeling really good about the direction my project is taking and I am excited to continue working on it to see the final product!

Me and a statue of Benjamin Franklin at UPenn

I think the best part of this trip though was definitely seeing how obsessed Philadelphia is with Benjamin Franklin. He is everywhere! And I am taking him as my inspiration to finish this semester strong. As someone who used his wit and education to raise him up to the very top of American society, I can follow his footsteps to at least finish these last few months of college.

Famous Last Words: Thinking Ahead

Last week was one filled with anxiety and constant worry. However, this week has been better.

I feel as though I am finally calming down and in the right state of mind to make some big girl decisions. For example, I decided for sure that if I am accepted into my seven month program in France I will definitely take it. I am also applying to Teach For America, but I am far less interested in TFA. TFA is such a demanding program that I know I need to be far more excited and passionate about it if I am going to commit myself to it for two years.

At the same time, I am looking for summer internships in Philadelphia which is where my boyfriend is. I am applying to be an Editorial Intern at Hachette Book Group and I am hoping that I can get into the book publishing industry after y return from France. If anyone wants to help me edit my Cover Letter for Hachette Book Group, hit me up! It's something I really want, but feel so unqualified for so I am trying not to get my hopes up.

I am also feeling more confident about my progress in the class. My portfolio is going well and I am starting to have more of a vision for where I want that project to go. I feel on track so that even though I will need to keep up my extra credit participation, I know I will end the class with an A and I still won't have to do every single assignment ever.

Photo of French Flag
Source: Public Domain Pictures

My big accomplishment of the week was that Thursday I turned in a French paper that was not only late, but also one of the worst assignments of my life. I felt so ashamed of the work I had done and so quickly, that I didn't want to turn it in because I didn't want my professor to see. I "knew" for sure I couldn't get above a 65 on the assignment. Well I got my grade back and I got an 88! So basically I am a French genius *hair flip*. Just kidding, I really lucked out. But that was my great moment of the week was seeing that 88!

Famous Last Words: Lightly Struggling

This semester was supposed to be so light and easy for me to stay on top of everything. That plan has failed rather miserably. This semester, all I've been able to think about is the future. After graduation, what am I going to do? Where am I going to live? It causes me so much stress not having the answer to these questions!

With all of that being said, working on assignments for this class has been a sort of escape. I enjoy writing and planning stories. I enjoy the feedback I receive from fellow students and Laura, and I enjoy being able to give feedback to others in the class. Whenever I work on Epics of India assignments, not only am I enjoying myself, but I know that the time is being used for something productive. Unlike when I watch Netflix or go out with friends, I'm not constantly worried that maybe I should be using that time for school or planning the future. When working on this class, I can just enjoy!

This weekend I am going to Philadelphia. While I am so very excited to go, I am also stressed that I should be instead studying and working on schoolwork. I am wondering if my going out of state for an entire weekend is just terribly irresponsible and I might regret it. On the other hand, I fell like 22 is the age for doing stupid stuff like flying to Philadelphia on short notice and ignoring upcoming papers and tests. Maybe it's not responsible, but now is the time to be a little imperfect and make imperfect decisions. Or maybe that is just what I am telling myself so I can go and have fun. Either way, I bought the tickets so I can't back out now.

However, I look forward to my adventures, both traveling adventures and my storytelling adventures for this class!

Me performing at Karaoke Night at The Deli
when I probably should have been studying.